#6 - Emmanuelle Chriqui
I know you are ALL asking.... Who the fuck is Emmanuelle Chriqui. Well I know who she is, and that's all that matters.

I remember watching a terrible movie called, 100 Girls. It was cod ordinary. It has a sequel called, 100 Women. How creative! Ok, so anyway, yes I do own both on DVD, but that isn't what this is all about. Emmanuelle was in the first of the 2 films.

She was pretty hot back then, but I didn't really take any interest in her until I saw her in Adam and Eve, a National Lampoons film. The movie was pretty bad, but it was made substantially better by the fact that Emmanuelle was so fucking HOT! She's gold, and that is why she is in the top 6.
Recently she has appeared in the TV Show "Entourage" playing Sloan. She has a threesome.
Obviously the one thing that works against her is the fact that she is pushing 30. That's way too old for the D-Train (who turns 24 in 6 sleeps), mainly because I prefer my girls a touch younger(Read: I like to touch younger girls).
Anyway I can see myself watching anything with Emmanuelle starring, purely because her body is banging, her booty is brilliant and her bosoms..... breathtaking. She also has a ripping head.
I'll let the pictures do the rest of the talking, as I can't quite do her justice.

Next: Makybe Diva wouldn't listen, but English may not get the point across.

#7 - Emma Watson
Hermione Granger! My how you've grown!

Since the Philosopher's Stone when Hermi was but a young rat faced mud-blood, to the Chamber of Secrets when she began to get an air of cuteness about her. She wasn't anything special, because she was still a kid, but even my mum could see the potential that Emma had at the time.

Along came Prisoner of Azkaban, and Emma was beginning to become a woman. Plus she packed a killer punch and smashed that little pansy Draco fair in the face. I really cannot handle that kid.
Emma really came into her own however, in the Goblet of Fire. She walked out in the ball gown, and the D-Train fell even more in love with the girl.

Obviously there is plenty of time for her to go bad, hit the booze and drugs, and become a washed up child actor like the rest of them seem to do. But I'll take my chances on this one.
So what if she's only 16.... it's only illegal if you get caught. Plus, she's drinking beer, that can only be a good thing.

Next: She may have been the first woman on Earth, but she was always going to take a wrong turn.

#8 - Amanda Bynes
This girl can act! She can also get them out at any stage, if she so feels like doing it.

Amanda first sprung onto the scene as a young lass on the TV show "All That", which anyone with Pay TV and a hankering for Nickelodeon will probably know of. She then got her own show dubbed, creatively, "The Amanda Show". Obviously some high ranking officials came up with that name!

She then went on to star in some other shit TV shows, before filling out and starring alongside that midget from Malcolm in Big Fat Liar. Her acting ability was really on show, and the D-Train instantly fell in love with her.

Since then she's starred in some other shit, such as What a Girl Wants and that one where she is pretending to be a bloke. Both are PG so there's been no chance of a TITS OOT! just yet.
Looking at the movies she currently has in "production" they both look pretty tame, so I might be waiting a while yet.... spewing.
Oh well, that demotes her to number 8. If she got them out, she might be higher.

Actually, no she wouldn't.

Next: Some would say her blood is not pure, but Timmy's proud of her.

P.S. Sorry it's late. I had to celebrate the Bombers' win!

#9 - Maria Sharapova
Maria was here, but I fucked up and overwrote here. So here are some pictures for you to look at....

Don't say I don't do anything for you.

#10 - Natalie Portman
Padme, Novalee, psychotic Sam and..... Matilda. Just a few of Natalie's roles over the years. We first saw her as Nina in a short movie called "Developing". Most people remember he first appearance as the troubled Matilda, a friend to Jean Reno's Leon in The Professional.

We fell in love with her as Padme Amidala. Queen of the Naboo, and cradle snatching pedo chick who decided boning a young Anakin Skywalker was the right thing to do. She sent him to the dark side, you know. Anyway.

Natalie is one of those girls that no matter what, she still looks great. Long hair, short hair and no hair, you'd still bone her. It simply doesn't matter.

My favourite Natalie role is Sam from Garden State. She reminds me of the exact type of girl I like. Cute, funny, a little neurotic and most of all, not normal. She does weird shit, she carries on in a very strange fashion, and she looks hot. What more could I want?


Natalie was always going to be a top ten girl, and I figure with the wealth of talent from 9 through to 1, it is fitting she rounds out my 10 favourite girls.
I look forward to seeing Natalie star in Indiana Jones 4, which is rumoured to be true. Hopefully then, she will finally get some wangs out on the big screen. We can only hope.
Strap yourselves in kids.... it's going to be a fun top 10.

Next: Grass and Vodka. I like what this girl serves up!

#11 - Erin McNaught/Jennifer Hawkins
Both potential top ten girls, but I couldn't split them. So what is a guy to do? Combine them into one, called the "Miss Universe Category" and plonk them just outside the Top Ten. I'm clever!

Erin. My Fucking GOD! You are so goddam hot. I mean, you are stunning. You've got this fit, banging body, and a gorgeous head. Just one, slight, tiny problem... Where are your tits? I can't see them. I watched the Great Outdoors, and... nope, nothing there. I have severe issues with this fact.

Normally I'm not a fan of massive tits, but I do like at least a handful. You've got less than that. This needs to be rectified. Other than that... you're grouse. Keep it up!

Jen. You would've been number 1 two years ago. But since then, you've started going out with a cock head, and well... you're pretty fucking stupid. I must admit, the ratings boom that the Great Outdoors has received is entirely your doing. I must commend you on that. But a little edumacation wouldn't go astray, and just because you are blonde doesn't mean you have to act it. I'd still tap you though.

Damien Peverill is the Essendon Sex God, and these two are Sex Godesses in their own right. I'd tap them both, but prefer them both at once.

Joint Miss Universe winners.... Jen and Erin.

Next: Leon doesn't like it if you don't water the plant.

#12 - Evan Rachel Wood
Evan gives me Wo.... ok I think you get the picture. From a skank in Thirteen, to a kidnapped girl in The Missing and a dead set nymph in Pretty Persuasion, Evan's done it all.

Remember the kiss I mentioned involving Mischa earlier? Evan was the other chick. Now that makes for some high quality TV. Speaking of muff diving, Pretty Persuasion has a pretty good scene where she goes down on that Jane Krakowski or whatever her fucking name is from Ally McBeal. That's gold.

What else has she done.... well, she's done a sex scene with Ed Norton in one movie, and she's done the star of Billy Elliott in real life. So the girl lacks taste.... that's why she's at number 12.

Anyway, the best thing about Evan is her willingness to do the whole lesbo bit in films. It means that she is definitely open minded which could mean good things for the future. Or I could be dreaming.

Lads, knock the top off, it's Evan.... Rachel Wood.

Next: A double act of Universal proportion.

#13 - Elisha Cuthbert
Oh good God yes! Imagine looking out of your bedroom window and seeing Elisha getting her kit off. No you clown, not my ex Elisha. That would be shattering. I mean Cuthbert! You know, Jack Bauer's daughter.

Imagine that.... you're this old bloke who hasn't had a good lay in a while, and your daughter is Elisha Cuthbert. Man, you'd have to tap that. Wouldn't you?

So she's played a porn star, a school kid (my god, did I love her in Old School) and of course, she got nailed pretty hard in that Paris Hilton flick. No, not that one.

So why is she at number 13? Well, her name hurts her. It's my ex's name too, and that doesn't sit well with me. She's nothing like Andy Lovett, although every time she's on screen I get excited. Every time Lovey gets the ball, I get pretty pumped too. Similarities end there though.

Anyway, here's my number 13. She's very hot, which is a good thing.

P.S. How good's the picture?

Next: She can be pretty persuasive, especially when October comes around.

#14 - Mischa Barton
Mmmm, now here's a girl I'd like to seriously get amongst.

She was once in some lesbo movie, where she was at a boarding school (all girls) and yeah, I think its called Lost and Delirious or something like that. I don't think she takes part in any muff diving, which is slightly disappointing.

She was also in Once and Again with Evan Rachel Wood, and I recall them having a bit of a smooch in that.

Ok, so Marissa dies here on Tuesday. The end of an era. Enter her sister, Kaitlyn. Well, if you insist.

So yay for Marissa or Mischa, whatever her fucking name is. I'm tired.

Next: If she was my neighbour I'd be content with that, 24/7.

#15 - Nicky Hilton
Nicky > Paris. Fact. Then again, Paris is a bit of a skank. Enough about her, let's discuss Nicky (her real name is Nocholai you know...).

Now to say I didn't read with interest, when I was a tad greener, that there were 2 young female heirs to the Hilton throne would be a major lie. I think the Herald-Sun, News Pictorial, ran a story when I was about 16 mentioning the 2. Nicky would have been about 15 then, and I was a fan instantly. And my, hasn't she grown.

Funnily enough, like Sophia who precedes her, Nicky has been married which drops her down the list somewhat. Take nothing away, Nicky is a high quality girl with whom I could defintely spend some quality time.

She has everything you need in a girl. Her great looks, her gorgeous smile and of course, squillions of $$$. Hell, I'd tap Paris for a piece of that.

So there you go my friends, #15 is Miss Nicky Hilton.

Get amongst it!

Next: Once a pup selling cookies, her stOCks rise again.

#16 - Sophia Bush
Hehe, he he he, he he you said Bush.

Considering I like blondes, there's a stack of non-blondes getting a gig in this top 23. Aahhh Sophia. How do I love thee.

I never really got into One Tree Hill much, in fact I reckon it was pretty shit. If I had have known you were going to be so fucking hot however, I would've at least downloaded the episodes you were in. Thank God I have Foxtel. Yay!

I'm keen to see this John Tucker Must Die movie, and mainly because you and another little hottie are in it. You know who I'm talking about, but more of her later... get it?

Obviously the fact that you were married to Chad Michael Murray has to work against you, which is why you were demoted to 16. And of course I had to ensure you weren't related to the Presidential family or Kate Bush in any way, for you to even qualify. Ugh, imagine what baggage you could harbour.

At least you don't look anything like Kepler. That's important too.

Next: She's not the Beez Neez, but a sibling is green with envy.

#17 - Ashlee Simpson
All my girls, stand in a circle and clap your hands, this is for you!

Ever since 7th Heaven Ash has been a favourite of mine. I'll forgive her miming on Saturday Night Live, that only enhanced her career.

I love blondes. I mean, I really love blondes. I dunno what it is about her that I love so much though. I just reckon she's ace, and to me, that's all that matters.

The fact that she has a dick rest on her chin helps.

That's all I've got to say on Ash, the picture speaks for itself.

Next: Presidential mound with limited flora.

#18 - Lindy Booth
Oh My God! It's a ginger kid!

That's right, there is a actually a ginger kid in my top 23. But she's pretty hot, even I can admit that.

I'd never actually heard of (this is correct grammar) Lindy until I saw her in Dawn of the Dead (the remake, not the 70's tripe), and straight up the D-Train was very impressed. The fact that her character was a whiney bitch made it difficult to really love her, but you get over that in the long run.

Lindy also plays Dodger in Cry Wolf. Big fan of a good movie I am. The fact the she wears a school uniform is a major plus, and the other fact the she's a bit promiscuous adds to her mystique.

She's not Lloydesque in that's she's an out and out gun, but she'll do, and deserves #18.

Ladies and Gents, I give you Miss Lindy Booth.

Next: National faux pas leads to sibling rivalry.

:-(
She's go-o-o-o-o-one, Ten Thousand Mile-ile-iles.... That's very far.

:-(

#19 - Kristen Bell
Veronica Mars! Duh. How could you not guess that? Well, Bargey did. She's a fine piece of A isn't she. She's blonde - Tick. She's slight - Tick. She's Cute - Tick. Mmmmm, what more could you want.

Ok, her voice can be a little bit annoying. But then, when I saw my ex the other day her voice was very nasal. And I really did consider punching her, but they are my anger issues and I need to get over them.

So here is Kristen, at number 19. Veronica tends to be a bit of a leader in the TV Show, and David Hille is the leader at Essendon. Although he has a tough time showing leadership, and Veronica is always getting in trouble. It all makes sense to me.

I guess her mouth could be smaller, but I've never really disliked a girl who can.... well, you know.

I look forward to more Kristen in the future, and I must apologise for ruining your fantasies with Indie and giving you two girls in one night. Seeing as though tomorrow night will be busy, you'll have to deal.

Next: No one ever believed this person, until it dawned on them.

Timeout - Bye Bye, Oh Canada
Wednesday will be a sad, sad day in my life. I bid farewell to the provider of many a night of fun, in my good friend Oh, Canada. I've known you but a short time, but this time has been a joyous experience for myself, and from what I heard, you too.

I will miss you as you head back to the land of the Maple Leaf, and you can continue to barrack for your shithouse ice-hockey team back in Toronto. You can go back to Hicksville (that's Orangeville) and dream about my beautiful country. And you can remember the good times we had.

Maybe I'll see you when I visit Toronto next April/May, or maybe I will have moved on (hehe Maybe lol) as may you have. However you will always have a special place, somewhere in my mind, as you were the first ever Canadian, and hopefully not the last.

Au revoir you gorgeous girl, and take care. I shall think of you during my date on Wednesday night, and again on Thursday when I have a crack at the new Trivia waitress.

Safe travels.

D x

#20 - Indiana Evans
Go to Jail. Go directly to Jail. Do not pass go, and do not collect your $200. That is what the police will probably be saying to me at some stage. But in all seriousness, she does have a bit of "talent".

But you know what? I don't give a damn. She's pretty cute for a girl her age (she's 16, that's ALMOST legal) and at the end of the day, that's all it comes down to. Yes, I'm shallow! What's you're point? I've never claimed to like girls for their personality. If they're hot and have a decent set of cans, fair game tiger!

Indie is one of the girls that you definitely put in the "potential basket". The sorta girl you give a couple of footy seasons to fill her potential and become an A-Grade hottie. That may or may not happen, but if it does, I wanna be able to claim that I spotted it early!

Which kind of relates her to Henry Slattery. Looks familiar, has tons of potential, but we'll have to wait and see if she'll deliver the goods. I reckon she'd be a bit of an angry girl, much like Slats gets the angries.

Bdodgey, I'll be requiring your services.

Next: Out of this world detective type.

#21 - The Veronicas
This one's a two for one deal, much like the Olsen twins. The fact that these girls can sing, as well as look pretty hot, is a bit of a bonus.

Ok, so their music isn't much chop, but when you look at Jess and Lisa bouncing around on stage, singing their hearts out, you can't help but want to have a crack. And have a dead set crack I would.

Another bonus for these girls is the fact that they are from Australia. That bodes very well for them, however I have been known to be a little bit partial to the odd Canadian here and there. Mmmm Canada.

Lisa and Jess are the Courtney John's of this list. Only been a round a little bit, and slowly showing signs of improvement. Much good things to come from these two QLD lasses.

Next: Home grown talent with a seppo twist.

#22 - Zooey Deschanel
Mmmm.... Space Girl. Actually I've liked her for a while. I remember watching Big Trouble and thinking, well who is this fit little thing? The answer, was Zooey.

I dunno what it is about her, but she's not your average stunning blonde that I particularly go for. I think its the fact that she's different. I like different from time to time, and Zooey fits the bill nicely.

Not much more can be said. She's number 22, mainly because she's not my favourite. This doesn't take anything away from the girl however, because she's got many qualities that I'd like to get amongst. Unfortunately, like all space women, they just aren't top 20 material, unless they grow a third boob. Sadly, this is what Zooey lacks.

So there's my number 22. Zooey, you will forever be the Trillian of my heart.

Next: Even when you're having the day from hell, it won't all fall apart forever!

#23 - Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen
A few years ago these you lasses would've ranked so much higher. Unfortunately one decided an eating disorder was required, and the other just strikes me as a bit of a whore. That and they turned 18.... Just Kidding.

So what of Mary Kate and Ashley? Well, there's two of them. It's like getting your best girlfriend cloned and getting to have sex with both her and her clone at the same time. That would be pretty cool. I know some people don't agree, but who's the fascist dictator here? That's right! ME!

Looking down the list of girls to follow, its easy to see why MK&A ranked at the bottom. The fact that they are billionaires nearly pumped them up a little, but in all honestly as much as I like my girls lightweight, Bulimia and Anorexia just don't it for me.

Kudos to MK&A for fighting the good fight. Now that you've both kicked your health issues, as well as your drug and alcohol problems you do have a chance to move your way up the list. However, for now, you'll have to content with being the Mark Bolton of the list.

Next: Someone useful when navigating in outer space!

D-Train's 23 Stunners...
So Bargey and I were sitting at Triv on Thursday night, and I was caning his Top 31 chicks, or "Christmas in July" list. He then challenged me to go my own, which I felt obliged to do. So over the next 23 days, you'll see my top 23 Stunners.

Why 23 you may ask? Well, as of Today, it's 23 days until my Birthday. Well, 22 sleeps, and the 23rd day is my birthday. Plus I am 23 going on 24.... so it really makes sense to me.

So peoples, get out the Vaseline, its about to get interesting....

Hans Brix!
I know you're all thinking, oh Davey (don't fucking call me Davey) why have you not posted for the past 12 days?

Well its been tough. In my ongoing quest to become a serious beefcake, I've been going to the gym quite often. This involves the expenditure of energy, which means I am burning up all of my anger whilst working out. And at the same time, I'm becoming Fully Sick, Mate.

So why post if I'm not angry? What's the point? Isn't the anger what you lot come over here to see? I know it would be if I were you.

I could pay out right now you know. In fact, I think I might.

The VRC. Lovely institution, get to watch horse races, get to get drunk. Being a "Restriced" VRC member, has its perks. You don't pay the ridiculous membership fees, and get the same treatment as everyone else. But why VRC, have you not upgraded me to full membership for 2006/7? What is this "exemplary" behaviour you speak of, and how do you expect me to take such a request seriously?

What was it that pushed you over the edge and decided my behaviour has not been good enough? Was it red carding the horse that died, because it took a dive? Was it the banging on the windows when I was barracking my horsie home? Was it the fact that every second word is often "fuck" or "cunt"? Is it the fact that we take the "payout" area in the bookmaker's ring too literally? Or is the fact that we call Alf King "Ralphy"? Hey Ralphy, gimme 42 degrees mate!

Let me know guys, I'd really like to know. In the meantime, I'll leave you with some Kim Jong-Il brilliance. Hans, you breaking my barls Han, Han, breaking my barls.

America, Fuck Yeah!