Marrying Rich
It's become increasingly apparent, particularly over the last week, that I really don't enjoy a part of life called "work". I cannot pinpoint the exact reason for my dislike of having a job, but I can narrow it down to few things.

Employees - I have a fair sized team, that requires a specific technical skillset. When people say they have certain skills, you'd expect them to actually be able to demonstrate them at some stage. You'd also assume that when you do show them the process to do a basic task, they will retain that information, and not fuck it up at any given opportunity. Hmmm, never assume.

Cuntstomers - You will never find a more despised group of people. I have 2 contracts that I manage, and one of them is brilliant. The other, to put it simply, are a pack of useless fucks. Never before have I seen a company that thinks the sun shines so fucking squarely out of their arses in my life. To make it worse, they are worth more to my company than the majority of our clients. FUCK.

Peers - Ok. I consider myself to be pretty good at my job. Fuck it, I'm great at what I do. There are 2 others that do my job for other clients, and only one of those is any fucking good. The shit one, let's call her... S, has double the staff, half the workload and none of the ability of my good self. She is a useless fucking whore, who bitches and moans about FUCKING EVERYTHING. She also knocks off work at 4pm every day, much to my disgust.

Anyway, I've gone off track a little. It's because of the above reasons I've decided to marry rich. Not a person named Rich, a female who has a plethora of wealth. I like money. I also like spending money. I like women too, so really, it makes perfect sense!

I've narrowed it down to a few candidates;

Paris or Nicky Hilton - I'm not fussed. They're both worth a few mill each, so it's a matter of first come, first served. At least with Paris I'm guaranteed a fair dose of sex. Or is she celibate now? Might have to watch that video again...

Anna Anisimova - Ok, she's not the hottest chick on the planet, but she is Russian. She is worth at least a couple of hundred mill, and has a $15m place in Manhattan. I could live with that. (look her up, not much chop).

Georgina Bloomberg - Actually, no. Not even for all of Bloombergs money. (I'm not sure which one is Georgina).Ashlee Simpson - She'd have a bit of cash, albeit lacks any talent. The fact she's had a nose and chin job (losing the dickrest) makes her even hotter than before. She's winning at the minute. (I can't find a good pic).

Amanda Hearst - Heir to the Hearst publishing throne in the US (Harper's Bazaar etc), and model for the Ford agency. Amanda stands to inherit a cool $7.5 Billion, on top of what she earns modelling. I think we have a winner.
So it appears my trip to the USA may have another motive next year. Find Miss Hearst and marry her.

Next: Whatever comes into my mind.

High School Musical
Despite being the masculine type, I was recently exposed to a DVD titled, well, High School Musical. Generally a sceptic toward anything that contains the word "muscial" and intrigued (read "aroused") by anything containing "high school" I was, in a word, torn. Ultimately my cousin won the battle, and we watched the DVD.

Let me start by admitting that I did actually enjoy the movie. It wasn't the worst movie I've ever seen (Waterworld), but definitely doesn't rank up there with such classics as One Night in Paris, and the Un-named Debra Byrne Project. I'll go into that a little bit later.

Firstly, I thought back to those halcyon days of high school, and about the experiences I endured during this time. I think I can safely say that if anyone broke into song and dance, as they did in HSM, I would be leading the pack heading over there to beat the living fuck out of them. The girls dancing I can live with. The guys dancing... well that's a problem.

Then I thought about it a little more. I looked at the "stars" of the movie, in Vanessa Anne Hudgens and Ashley Tisdale. I then found myself envying the fact that these blokes were rubbing against, gyrating with and groping these lovely ladies. I again found myself torn between carrying on like a poofter, and getting amongst these chicks. Dilemma!

Which leads me to my question. As a male, would you sing and dance in a musical if it gave you the opportunity to get amongst either Exhibit A or ExhibitB? (please leave comments to explain your reasoning).Back to the movie. Well it was ok. If you ignore the singing and dancing, and the fact that the main bloke has the BIGGEST FUCKING EYEBROWS I'VE EVER SEEN, it's not a bad movie. There's no Tits OOT to speak of, but the female leads definitely have potential.
Overall I give it a 3.5 star rating out of 5. Not-Surprisingly, my cousin gave it 5 stars.

Anyway, that's all I've got tonight. I recommend you blokes watch this with your woman, it'll get you brownie points.

Next: Why Jesus loves me, despite everyone else thinking I'm a cunt.

Jonesy Has a Crack
Many of you would have heard of the recent sacking of Sir Dean Jones from his Dubai based broadcasting position after he labelled South African cricket Hashim Amla, a terrorist. Jones was heard to say "and the terrorist takes another wicket" after Amla took a catch to dismiss Kumar Sangakkara on the fourth day of the Test Match, in some fucking pov country somewhere.

Let me start by clarifying a couple of things. I'm not a racist person. I promise. I embrace multicultralism, I just have a hard time swallowing some issues in today's world. For instance, the problems in Lebanon and Israel. The plethora of people who blame Johnny H and his cronies for not getting them out of war-torn Lebanon, despite the fact that they have lived there for the past 5 years.

Memo to Australians living in Lebanon - you are not our problem. You chose to live there, and whether or not 5 years ago you lived in Lakemba for 2 weeks is irrelevant. Either learn to run for your fucking lives, or learn to swim. Capiche?

Ok, so I'm getting off topic a little bit. Back to Jonesy. In all honesty, he only said what everyone was thinking. Look at the bloke. He looks like a terrorist. He worships like a terrorist. His name is that of a terrorist. He even sounds like a terrorist. He takes a catch in the outfield, and you can hear him scream the infidel death cry at high pitch. I mean, the bloke screams terrorist.
I'm fairly confident I saw him packing explosives in his cricket kit, as well as strapping them to his body. Word of warning.

Truth be told, if the various US Airport staff or "The Tube" staff had the same sort of awareness Jonesy had, we may have managed to avert 2 of the world's most devastating terrorist attacks. If everyone was like Jonesy, we'd have a safer world and a more even playing field in the sport of Cricket. If everyone was more like Jonesy, Pakistan wouldn't have a cricket team.

The fact is, Jonesy was right. His comments may have been considered harsh, but when Amla blows up a stadium filled with Derka Derkastanians in southern Derka Derkastan, screaming "Derka Derka Mohammed Sherpa Jihad", you'll know he was right.

Don't hang a man for speaking the truth.

Next: Terrorist or Misunderstood - a Pictorial Guessing Game.

Numero Uno - Rachel Bilson

Summer. Not only is it my favourite season, but it's also my favourite O.C. actress' character name. Yum. She is yummy in my tummy.

Today is my b-b-b-birthday. I am 24. Rachel Bilson is very hot. Coincidence?

Ever since the first episode of The O.C., Miss Bilson has been my number one. She is stunning. She is funny. She is everything my ex girlfriends were not. And she has a KILLER body.

Most of you will read my Top 23 and say, "My God this guy is shallow!" Yup. 100%. Who buys a fucking car if they don't like the look of it. And if the car looks good, you've gotta have the right accessories on the inside to make it totally complete. My girls are exactly the same.

If I gave the slightest fuck about personality etc, I'd probably be trying to hook up with someone like..... like... um. Fuck I don't even know. That's how little attention I pay to personality.

FYI - I'm farting up a treat right now. If you could smell what I've been dishing out, you'd agree.

Back to Rachel. Well she's hot, and she's doable and yeah. I really don't have much to say for 2 reasons. I'm hungover like a little bitch, and I am fucking tired.

Anyway pictures... enjoy.

Fin

Next: Ex-Girlfriends at the Hippopotamus and the Ladder. (this is not a cryptic clue).

#2 - Willa Holland

It's been a pleasure knowing you all, and I look forward to catching up with you once I'm out of prison. Unfortunately a stunner is more important than living life on the outside, so I just had to introduce you all to this little honey.

Who the fuck is Willa Holland? Well, she shot to "fame" after playing Marissa Cooper's little sister Kaitlin in The O.C. Remember Kaitlin? She was the one that appeared in about the first 3 episodes of the first season, only to be shipped off to boarding school after Jimmy and his whorish wife split. Willa didn't play the original Kaitlin.

Anyway, at some stage during the 3rd season the directors decided that the show needed something. Enter Kaitlin (oh good God I thought you'd never ask!), the estranged sister of the big "Coop". So they went looking for a young, nubile actress with the ability to portray a little bitch. They really could've called me and I would've given them a list of my ex-girlfriends, all of whom would have played the bitch role with aplomb. Instead we got Willa. I aint complaining.
They found Willa after she did some modelling for some unknown company in California. Obviously I'm pretty happy they found her, otherwise my Top 23 wouldn't have a number 2. They wrote her into a couple of episodes, and then pissed her off again. They then decided killing Mischa's character off was necessary, mainly because Mischa was getting too big for the show. Yup, you're just huge Mischa. Again, Enter Kaitlin.... (I quite enjoy the idea of this. Are you getting that impression?).
It seems that Willa is now a permanent fixture on The O.C. for what will inevitably be it's final season in Season 4. This, coupled with her being permanently fixed in my mind, is a bonus in that it will make The O.C. watchable again. Let's just hope it's a really hot summer. Mmmm Summer.
Willa is a couple of season's away from really hitting her straps, but for know I'll sit back and enjoy the fact that I found her before any of you. I can spot talent, and Willa oozes it. Pity she has such a shit name.
Lads, enjoy Willa, and look out for her first Tits OOT in the future.
P.S. Her line about getting a boob job in The O.C. made me want to do her more.

Numero Uno: My favourite time of year, especially in California.

#3 - Brittany Snow
I am officially in love with Brittany Snow. Officially. I actually want to marry her. She is the exact type of girl I would love to spend the rest of my life with. She is the epitome of greatness in the female race. I love her. I want her to have my babies.

When looking at Brit, I notice something really odd. Minger kids, tend to grow up pretty hot. I know, I know, the whole Ugly Duckling theory comes into play. But this is different. Brit was nothing special when she was younger. She was a brunette and was very plain. Now.... well. Did I mention I love her?
I first saw her in American Dreams on Foxtel. She was cute but didn't have that "bone" potential. Then along she comes in "The Pacifier" (which was in no way what I thought it would be like) and I wind up in love with the girl.
Just on "The Pacifier". You have a hot blonde in Brit, another hot blonde in her mother, and Vin Diesel. Kinda makes you expect a porno doesn't it? Turns out that "The Pacifier" is a move Vin Diesel does, where you stick your hand in someone's mouth and "pacify" them. I've got something I'd be more than happy to pacify Brittany with.

Vin Diesel is gay by the way. Just for those of you who didn't know.

Brittany really should be number 1. However, my anger management co-ordinator would like me to embrace brunettes, ever since that outburst in October last year. As such, being a blonde, she gets relegated to number 3.
Ladies and Gentlemen, the gorgeous number 3, Brittany "I'm a better footy player than Henneman" Snow.

Next: A Newport native, this little dutch chicken has flown the "coop".

#4- Jessica Alba
I'm fucking busy. Jess is fucking HOT! Ogle her goodies, and I will put more effort in for Number 3.
Next: You might find her at Whistler, and she sint no trailer park trash.

#5- Scarlett Johansson
Scarlett.... Scarlett.... Scarlett.

She wasn't hot in The Horse Whisperer. In fact she had a deep voice, which I found to be a little off putting. I don't really remember he being in Home Alone 3, but apparently she was. I may not remember because I haven't seen it.

Scarlett is just a stunning young woman. She's got a gorgeous face, big full lips, and a tremendous rack. In fact, I doubt I've ever seen a rack that fucking big up close. That being said, I'd definitely like to.

Scarlett really turned it on in Lost in Translation. Especially the bit where she was getting around in her underwear. That's the sorta shit I've come to enjoy. Not literally. But anyway, have I mentioned that Scarlett is hot?

She wasn't that good in that Girl with a Pearl Necklace movie. Or was that a pearl earring? I dunno. She looked cod ordinary. Hence why she dropped to 5. She could be higher but, like Charlize Theron, has the potential to look terrible. But who doesn't eh?
Along came "The Island". Those white bodysuits should be made compulsory. Every big busted chick should wear one. Actually, let me clarify, EVERY HOT FUCKING CHICK SHOULD WEAR ONE! Man that shit was hot.
Anyway, I'll let you ogle some pics a little more. Enjoy Scarlett, I know I did.

Next: This little honey knows how to handle herself, and a lassoe.