World Cup 2006 Awards
What? Awards?!? Huh? That's what you're thinking eh? Well I understand the tournament is still underway, but with Australia being eliminated by a choco Ref handing woggo scum with a piss easy penalty.... fuck it... the tournament is over. I'll start with the obvious ones.
The Zeljko Kalac Award - awarded to the goalkeeper who shows the least amount of co-ordination and ability.
Winner - Zeljko Kalac - ironically, the inaugral award goes to the useless fuck it is named after. The "howler" committed in the Australia v Croatia game is unforgiveable, and as such instantly gave him the award, as well as the infamy of having the award named after him.
The Chucking a Dave Special - named after my good self, and my ability to spit the dummy at the most basic of things. Chucking a Dave is a well known expression amongst my friends, and involves me absolutely losing the plot and "Cracking the shits". Many enjoy a good Dave chucked.
Winner - Portugal/Netherlands - the award was in the bag for Harry Kewell until the spiteful encounter on Monday morning between these two teams. 4 red cards and some dead set dummy spits of the highest degree were witnessed. Nothing could seperate the two teams from winning this award. Kudos to you boys!
The "Oops I lost my pants" award - is awarded to the team who, despite being highly fancied, failed to fire any real shots in the tournament. Previous winners include France!
Winner - United States of America - easily the toughest decision of the awards distribution process. The Czech Republic were very unlucky to miss this award, however brilliance shown by Jan Koller and Tomas Rosicky tilted the award the way of the US. The fact that 1 of the 2 US goals scored for the entire 3 games was an Own Goal proves how bad the Seppos are, despite being ranked number 5 in the world. Good Show US... Good Show.
The "How the Fuck did they Qualify?" Award - awarded to the team that showed such little promise throughout the tournament, there would have been a better case to subsititute them for a team of Yooralla kids.
Winner - Serbia and Montenegro - what a great team. Not only do they advertise African Americans and not contain a single one, but they failed to achieve a result in their favour in each of the three games they played. They also got arse raped by Argentina.
The "Where the fuck did they come from?" Award - awarded to the team with the least expectation, apart from the weight of their country on their shoulders, that blew soccer fans away by flexing their ample muscle.
Winner - Australia - no one expected them to qualify. They did. No one expected them to beat Japan. They did. No one expected them to make it to the round of 16. They did. They also took the game up to those woggo bastards Italy, before having their hearts ripped out by a corrupt ref on a mission. Fuck you Ref, and fuck you Totti. I hope your children get molested and become pregnant and you have illegitimate grand kids.
The Goal of the Cup - awarded to the most crackingest goal scored by the biggest gun.
Winner - Steve Gerrard - could've been Joe Cole, but fuck it.
Actually fuck all of this. Fuck the World Cup. Fuck Soccer. Fuck it all. Why should I be happy with what happened? Why should we, as AUSTRALIANS, feel content that we exceeded expectation? We shouldn't! Its horse shit. Mr Harry Highpants ref blows his whistle, points to the spot and says Penalty, or some other choco word which means the same thing. Then that other fucking soft fuck Totti, fucking walks up and gets to fucking slam the fucking ball into the fucking back of the fucking net and fucking claim how fucking much of a fucking hero he fucking thinks he fucking is despite just being a fucking useless fuck with fucking nothing in his pitiful fucking existance other than the fucking fact that he fucking scored the fucking penalty to win the fucking round of fucking 16 match for fucking Italy against fucking Australia because the fucking ref decided it would be a good fucking idea to pay a fucking penalty in the fucking last ten fucking seconds when they didn't fucking deserve it fucking!
ARGH!
Fuck you ref. Fuck you Italians. Fuck you Spain. Fuck you Osama bin Laden. FUCK EVERYTHING.
What? Awards?!? Huh? That's what you're thinking eh? Well I understand the tournament is still underway, but with Australia being eliminated by a choco Ref handing woggo scum with a piss easy penalty.... fuck it... the tournament is over. I'll start with the obvious ones.
The Zeljko Kalac Award - awarded to the goalkeeper who shows the least amount of co-ordination and ability.
Winner - Zeljko Kalac - ironically, the inaugral award goes to the useless fuck it is named after. The "howler" committed in the Australia v Croatia game is unforgiveable, and as such instantly gave him the award, as well as the infamy of having the award named after him.
The Chucking a Dave Special - named after my good self, and my ability to spit the dummy at the most basic of things. Chucking a Dave is a well known expression amongst my friends, and involves me absolutely losing the plot and "Cracking the shits". Many enjoy a good Dave chucked.
Winner - Portugal/Netherlands - the award was in the bag for Harry Kewell until the spiteful encounter on Monday morning between these two teams. 4 red cards and some dead set dummy spits of the highest degree were witnessed. Nothing could seperate the two teams from winning this award. Kudos to you boys!
The "Oops I lost my pants" award - is awarded to the team who, despite being highly fancied, failed to fire any real shots in the tournament. Previous winners include France!
Winner - United States of America - easily the toughest decision of the awards distribution process. The Czech Republic were very unlucky to miss this award, however brilliance shown by Jan Koller and Tomas Rosicky tilted the award the way of the US. The fact that 1 of the 2 US goals scored for the entire 3 games was an Own Goal proves how bad the Seppos are, despite being ranked number 5 in the world. Good Show US... Good Show.
The "How the Fuck did they Qualify?" Award - awarded to the team that showed such little promise throughout the tournament, there would have been a better case to subsititute them for a team of Yooralla kids.
Winner - Serbia and Montenegro - what a great team. Not only do they advertise African Americans and not contain a single one, but they failed to achieve a result in their favour in each of the three games they played. They also got arse raped by Argentina.
The "Where the fuck did they come from?" Award - awarded to the team with the least expectation, apart from the weight of their country on their shoulders, that blew soccer fans away by flexing their ample muscle.
Winner - Australia - no one expected them to qualify. They did. No one expected them to beat Japan. They did. No one expected them to make it to the round of 16. They did. They also took the game up to those woggo bastards Italy, before having their hearts ripped out by a corrupt ref on a mission. Fuck you Ref, and fuck you Totti. I hope your children get molested and become pregnant and you have illegitimate grand kids.
The Goal of the Cup - awarded to the most crackingest goal scored by the biggest gun.
Winner - Steve Gerrard - could've been Joe Cole, but fuck it.
Actually fuck all of this. Fuck the World Cup. Fuck Soccer. Fuck it all. Why should I be happy with what happened? Why should we, as AUSTRALIANS, feel content that we exceeded expectation? We shouldn't! Its horse shit. Mr Harry Highpants ref blows his whistle, points to the spot and says Penalty, or some other choco word which means the same thing. Then that other fucking soft fuck Totti, fucking walks up and gets to fucking slam the fucking ball into the fucking back of the fucking net and fucking claim how fucking much of a fucking hero he fucking thinks he fucking is despite just being a fucking useless fuck with fucking nothing in his pitiful fucking existance other than the fucking fact that he fucking scored the fucking penalty to win the fucking round of fucking 16 match for fucking Italy against fucking Australia because the fucking ref decided it would be a good fucking idea to pay a fucking penalty in the fucking last ten fucking seconds when they didn't fucking deserve it fucking!
ARGH!
Fuck you ref. Fuck you Italians. Fuck you Spain. Fuck you Osama bin Laden. FUCK EVERYTHING.
posted by mcdav at
18:18
5 Comments:
You're a very angry young man.
Relax.
I'd like to thank my father, my mother, the Croatians for giving me a shot, and you Dave. Most of all you.
my psych can get fucked.
and zeljko
fuck off.
useless fuck.
Sacked.
They need me too much to sack me
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home