Toll Priority? Pfft.. More like Toll Whenever We Damn Feel Like It!
People out that that actually know me, and I mean know know me, will understand that I can have a tendancy to get a little bit angry or, agitated at times. This has nothing to do with the irritating personalities of everyone around me, but is more based on the high level of incompetence shown by most people in my life. From football umpires to work employees, incompetence is rife!

Until today, it'd been a few weeks since I'd really lost my temper. By "really lost my temper" I don't mean the occasional grunt on a netball court as a result of my own incompetence, but an actual brain explosion causing me to "go postal" or feel the need to take part in a multiple homicide. Today however, I dealt with a moron so incompetent, I'm convinced I am stupider having spoken with them.

Tina** is an employee for Toll Priority. I think I have spoken to her once or twice before, which means part of the blame in this particular situation is on my good self. Anyway! I had to speak to Tina, as I need to speak to many Toll Priority employees on a regular basis (Catch my Drift?), in regards to the whereabouts of some important equipment going to a Caltex site in Western Australia. I might also jump in here and say I currently have 4 outstanding packages sent with Toll Priority in early April. As yet, the site haven't seen them. Below is a transcript of my conversation with Tina.

Me: Hello Tina, it's David from ****** *********. I was hoping you could assist me in the tracking of a consignment number please.
Tina: Hi David. What was the consignment number you were chasing?
Me: alpha foxtrot quebec whisky 1 2 juliet uniform 0 charlie.
Tina: Ok. Give me a moment while I look that one up. Where was the package headed?
Me: Bussellton, WA.
Tina: Hmm.
Me: Hmmm?
Tina: It appears the parcel may have been delivered. Did you say MacKay QLD?
Me: No, but you're close. I said Bussellton, WA. You know, about 4000km south-west of MacKay.
Tina: Are you sure? My arrival destination said MacKay.
Me: Well my client is in Bussellton, but I have no doubt there are several service stations in MacKay as well.
Tina: Let me see what happened here.
***I was then placed on hold for 7 minutes - no music, just background noise***
Tina: Hi, sorry about the wait. It appears the person packing the track may have put it on the MacKay pallet.
Me: Why would they do that?
Tina: The notes say that the packer believed there was no ***** Road in Bussellton, but there is one in MacKay.
****This may have been the exact moment my brain haemorrhaged****
Me: (Silence)
Tina: Are you there?
Me: (Silence)
Tina: Hello? David?
Me: Sorry I was just doing the math.
Tina: Oh. There was no math involved. He just thought....
Me: Well clearly he thought wrong. Did he happen to think for one fucking second that maybe the address on the consignment note attached to the fucking parcel may have been where it was meant to go? Since when do people who stack trucks use, or even fucking have, any sort of initiative. I don't know what fucking corkies you are hiring down there, but maybe you should review your hiring policy.
Tina: He believed he was doing the right thing. I really don't think you....
Me: Oh so he believed now? My cousin believes in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fucking Fairy, but that doesn't mean any of those actually fucking exist now does it? Jesus Christ, who is working there, Forrest Gump? Why didn't anyone query what he was doing.
Tina: If you calm down I can tell you that I have arranged to re-send the package to the correct address, it should get there Monday.
Me: Where did you say you worked again?
Tina: Toll Priority.
Me: Exactly. So tell me, today is Wednesday, how is getting it there on Monday a FUCKING PRIORITY? I paid hundreds of dollars for this for NEXT DAY, and you send it to fucking MacKay, because Forrest Gump thinks that's where it should go. You know what, fuck it. Leave the package in fucking MacKay. I will get someone up there to strap it to a fucking tortoise and it will get where I need it to before you bunch of spastics can get it there.
***I'm fairly confident the conversation ended about here***

Funnily enough, Toll are probably the best at what they do. But that's like being the smartest kid with Down Syndrome.

Anyway, I need a lie down, reliving that was torture.

**Tina was not her real name. I changed it so I can't be blamed for her impending suicide.